#Tattos for my story isnt over yet full#

The struggle is to welcome life as it is now, which is certainly different than you thought it would be or should be. “What injury and illness and depression steal from you most of all is perspective – the ability to understand that there’s more to be written in your story.” Then I had an invasive follow-up test that left me with a slow and chronic spinal fluid leak that creates a never-ending headache. Then I had surgery to solve the problem and ended up with a spinal cord injury that immobilized my right arm and hand for months. The story began with increasing neck pain that became excruciating throughout last fall, pain that didn’t respond to conservative therapies and that was so unbearable it left me one step short of being suicidal. I got this mark placed on my inner bicep on about the one-year anniversary of when my body started rebelling against me. The meaning of the semicolon is this: “Your story is not over.” It’s not a period, which ends a sentence it’s a pause that says there’s more to come. The trademark of this initiative is the semicolon tattoo, which serves as a visible witness to hope, both for the person who struggles or has died and for their family and friends. He asked the question because he was well aware of Project Semicolon, an initiative that brings hope to people who suffer from depression, have struggled with suicidal ideation or have experienced traumatic events that left them in despair. When I told the artist what I wanted, he asked: “Who is this for?” Just imagine this fair-skinned, middle-aged, uncool pastor walking into a tattoo parlor on the hipster stretch of Lower Greenville in Dallas, and you’ll get the image.

But this is a tattoo with a purpose – as I suspect many are. Everyday I will get stronger and I promise you that. I’m sorry that I’m not strong, but I am a survivor and my story isn’t over yet. I don’t know how I fall asleep the way I do and I think it’s the PTSD but I know one day I’ll be OK but today is not the day. Whej I fall asleep things happen that I have no clue about.

#Tattos for my story isnt over yet full#

My head is full of thoughts that I can’t control and I’m not sure what to do about that.

Will the nightmares ever stop? Will I ever feel safe? There are days that I feel like superwoman, but then there are days where I feel awful I don’t wanna move.

I survived everything I went through and yet I still feel weak. I pretend to be strong every single day but it’s an act. How do you overcome something so horrible ? I am still under his control and I am scared and I am weak when I should be strong. My PTSD gets worse every single day and I don’t know what to do. I will give someone the world while mine is falling apart. I love others more than I love myself and that is a problem. My problem is I think I can fix broken people when I can’t even fix myself. I won’t fall victim to another manipulative monster who will control me. Yes, I am damaged but each day that passes I get to put the pieces of me back together the way I want too. The part that matters most is I am still here standing. I never intended on being a victim of domestic violence or sexual abuse, but here I am, 30 years old and have been through the worst possible things imaginable. I have wanted this tattoo for as long as I can remember.